The necessity of undergoing psychological marital compatibility check to ensure safe and long lasting marriages Article – by R.Manoj Clinical psychologist and Marital counselor - Chennai
Failure of marital life and divorce has is globally accepted as the highest life event stressors which is next only to death of the spouse. The damaging effects of failure of marriage in most of the cases take a significant toll on the rest of the life time of both the partners. Finding solutions through marital counseling/ therapy can help. But in the state of distress the couples are in, they very rarely think about the option in the initial stages and by the time they reach the professional the condition would have deteriorated to irreparable status. The best way to ensure safe long lasting happy marital life is to have a have marital compatibility assessment done by a professional psychologist.
What is marital compatibility?
For a successful marital life, Personality, temperament and goal compatibility is very important. Compatibility in various other factors such as careers, finances, friendship and social support, parenting and children, religion, family of origin issues, attitudes and beliefs toward marriage, gender role expectations, values, spiritual beliefs, convictions and interest, ability to adjust, commitment to marriage, communication skills, ability to maintain verbal intimacy, friendliness, conflict resolution skills, coping skills, emotional management, fun and leisure, the importance of spending time with one's partner, problem-solving, romance, energy levels, intelligence, personal habits, and the sexual relationship that has its own role. When all these factors relating to marital adjustment are considered together, personality and life-goal compatibility seems to be of paramount importance and the other factors just becomes an integral part these. A systematic assessment of all these factors associated with compatibility can be done only by a trained psychologist using appropriate evaluation methods
Why the existing method of compatibility check has lost its reliability?
If marriages have to stand the test of time, attachment, love and romance is important, but compatibility is critical. In India still marriages are predominantly family affairs where parents have a better and elders of the family have better say in the decision making process. The compatibility for marriages is done on the basis of family background, caste, financial status and matching of the horoscope etc and the individual compatibility of the partners is judged only on the basis of horoscopes. In the earlier generation Even though these factors only checked for compatibility, the breakup of marriages were limited, not because this compatibility check was effective, but because, the need for adherence to family values and social norms, the family’s support in sorting out any issues, the branding of males as the head of the family and the ultimate authoritative decision maker, the financial dependence of female partners on their male counterpart, the belief installed in females that, living alone are nor secure and cannot handle the predators who try to take advantage of them, and the social stigma associated with divorce, played a major role in preventing the partners specifically females from initiating any proceedings towards divorce, unless and other wise all other options were out to test.
In the current modern society, with the females becoming financial independent, with their personality being groomed to feel confident about themselves, develop assertiveness, overcome their sense of being insecure weaklings and take independent decisions, the willingness of females to compromise their needs wishes and career for the sake of safe guarding their marital life has come down drastically. Also with family attachment weaning out as both females and males willing to go to any part of the world to establish themselves, and the changes in law which favors females, the above said divorce preventing factors have lost is luster. Added to this factor is the deterioration of professional expertise in astrology which has come down drastically due to lack of knowledge and poor training of the personal in the field. As a result of this even that science which has been believed to be the best way of checking the compatibly among partners in India is also becoming unreliable.
Professionals from various fields of social sciences feel that the empowerment of women and the positive change in the mindset of the people at large, which has removed the taboo related to divorce as the prime facilitating reasons. But the real reason seems to be that there has not been an overall change in the mindset of the people related to the roles and responsibilities of the both the husband, wife and the other family members in tune with the changes that has occurred in the social settings as such. While the empowerment of the female child by their parents by providing them opportunity of getting highest possible education, independent thinking, freedom to take up a job of their choice and spend the money they earn, the parents of male children are never preparing their children to tune themselves to a marital relationship with such a female.
Also the parents of the male are not preparing themselves to accept a female who takes decision of her own or be assertive in her approach as their daughter in law.
With the females of the current generation seeking equal space and status in marital relationship if the marriages have to be wholesome and long lasting, it is necessary ensure that the partners commonness upon agendas regarding the directions their marriage will take, and the way each partner will behave. These common agreements may never have been discussed in the past, but in the current scenarios it has to be analyzed in detail because whether, we like it or not, they will be present implicitly in how each partner chooses to act in the relationship. Background factors such as whether partners come from similar family, caste, religious, educational or economic backgrounds or whether they have similar parenting, developmental histories appear to be of least importance
How martial compatibly check can help?
Tough times are integral part of any relationship, and its inevitable in marital life. but the way partners face it together is a lot dependent on the amount of compatibility or shared characteristics, which also decides the survival of the marriage. Thousands of couples have seriously underestimated all the ways they need to be compatible from the beginning and their relationship has fallen apart with the first period of difficulty or crisis.
The best way to ensure successful marriages, the best preventive measure to prevent failure is to make the concerned every male and female to undergo a Psychological marital compatibility check, preferably before they enter into serious relationship. But even if they are in to relationship in which they are emotionally or even physically involved, without understanding the reason behind the same its better the couples undergo a marital compatibility test before they decide to get married. Finding someone with whom another person enjoys the sturdiness of broad based compatibility may be something next to impossible. But a marital compatibility test can help the individuals to understand the their own nature and approach in a marital relationship, the nature of the partners which would make marital life easy for them, the changes that they need to bring in their own personality and behavior, and the essential skills they need to develop to make their marital life successful..
Marital life can be the deepest and most joyful of all human experiences. A lot of what makes a great marriage really work is determined by the up-front selection. Get this selection right, and then get ready for a lifetime partnership. It may be virtually impossible to get a partner who is compatible in all areas associated with marital life. But a assessment can help in understanding the areas where there is compatibility and the areas where there are differences. It can also help in identifying whether there is compatibility in the critical areas associated with the personality of each of the partners and to what extent they can accept and adjust in the areas of differences. So its always better that this selection is done in a systematic manner with professional help which can ensure that there are minimal flaws in the decision. The parents or elders in the family can do their compatibility check by the traditional way. But to ensure a successful marital life for their wards they can also take the help of psychologist before and have a psychological compatibility test done to both theirs sons and daughters.
