Separation
of marital relations has been on the rise in the past decade. If we are going
to go by the reports from the media, divorces have grown by more than ten times
in the last ten years. The reason for divorce has also changed drastically.
There are clear evidences that today divorce applications are filed for flimsy
reasons, and majority of the cases are filed within a period of two years of
marital life. What has been labeled as the flimsy reasons, are nothing but the
adjustment and adaptation problems associated with marital life.
The
most disheartening fact is the current generation is not psychologically geared
up to take understand the necessary changes that they have to bring in to their
life which is mandatory for the survival of marital relationship and no efforts
are taken to do the same either by parents or any other significant members of
the family. The success of marital life is primarily dependent of the nature of
relationship and understanding that develops in the initial phase of the marriage.
In my experience with clients who have come with marital discord for counseling,
I can confidently say that if there is adequate understanding and conflict
resolution in 1st year of marriage between the spouses and they had
been able to manage things without the interference of either their family
members and friends then the possibly of divorce comes down by nearly 70%. The other
30% includes issues of infidelity, sexual problems and workaholism in either of
the partners.
This
problem of separation of marital relationship is increasing rampantly because the
present generation does not have the opportunity to learn the crux of a real
marital relationship. The sources of informations about various tangible factors
of marital relationship and the multiple dimensions related the initial phase of
marital life is very limited. Even the available information are not of much
use because they are not customized, based on individual personality, culture,
and family background. The opportunity to learn these factors from their parents
by observation is also been ruled out because, by the time the children reach
the age when they can understand it, their parents would have reached a status
in the relationship where all the adjustment and adaptation is already done and
their relationship had reached a status where they have already come to a
conclusion about what each of them have to do to maintain a life with minimal
conflicts.
The
other important contributing factor is that, today’s youngster are not given opportunity
to development a sense of family responsibilities during their childhood or
adolescence. Their life stream is filled
with focus on studies and achievement till the end of academic life, then
getting in to a prestigious high paid job irrespective of the where they get it
and during all these years there is a minimal role given to them in the family
affairs. Once they get a job then the job and the related social relationships
takes most of their time again denying them the opportunity to learn the
realities of family and marital relationship. The damage is further done by the
social media and gadgets which occupy the time they are available at home.
Comprehensively the current generation is totally unprepared to face the
realities of a marital life.
The
initial part of Marital life is one of the most important and beautiful phase
of everyone’s life. The excitement associated with marriage, not just among the
majority of couples who are about to get married, but also among the families
of these people is people is a clear evidence for the same. Along with excitement there are also fears,
desires, beliefs, values, dreams, needs and doubts related to various issues
which is not expressed openly. There are also feelings of insecurity,
apprehensions about the new environment, loss of freedom, the dynamics of the
relationship, obstacles to individual goals, nature of misunderstandings / conflicts
that may arise and prioritizing. Addressing all these areas, reliving them of
all the apprehensions and preparing them to handle various situations that
arise in the initial phase of marriage can only make an individual ready to
take-up, this important phase of life and manage it in an effective manner.
What
everyone should understand is that, Marriage is not just a union of two people
or two families. It is an important developmental phase of everyone’s, life
where a major transformation in the personalities of the individual has to
happen and this transformation involves preparation, proactive efforts, patience, dedication and teamwork. The faster the change happens the better and consistent the
marital life is and the best way to ensure it is go for a premarital
counseling before the wedding. A premarital counseling can help you to each
other better, learn the nitty-gritty’s about marriage and what all it brings,
and tools for handling difficulties when they arise. Preparatory measures can
always prevent damage and remember prevention is always better than cure
